A day in the life of an obsequious inquirer


There are none so frightened as those who do not want to die
and none so stoic as those who don’t know how to cry.
There’s none so challenging as those too afraid to try
and none braver than those who will not comply.

I helped George Pell enrol in a PhD investigating the relationship between
fiscal rectitude and moral turpitude.
I watched as climate change inundated Tuvalu, Torres Strait gardens
and islands in the Bay of Bengal.
I asked the Chinese Communist Party if I could run day tours of all their
Uighur re-education camps in Xinjiang.
I approached Aung San Suu Kyi to see if I could conduct archaeological digs at
the sites of Rohingya mass graves.
I queried Donald Trump as to why Stormy Daniels was so dismissive
about the size of his penis.
I visited the Saudis to see if they were interested in putting Jamal Khashoggi’s
body back together again.
I inquired of the Bahrainians how they felt about their loss of humanity
and war crimes committed in Yemen.
I challenged Barak Obama how his use of drones to assassinate people in foreign lands
was different from terrorism.
I questioned President Widodo how enslaving West Papuans and stealing their land
fitted with his concept of Muslim decency.
I proposed that Peter Dutton give permission for psychiatrists to witness
how effectively we were driving asylum seekers insane.
I interrogated Scott Morrison about his capacity to sleep soundly at night
when people on New Start were starving.
I interviewed the Israeli Army asking how they justified firing live rounds at unarmed
Palestinian men, women and children.

You may be surprised to find out – that I got no answers from any of them.