Establishing a Coalition protection system.

I am growing worried that after the 2019 election there may be no members of the Coalition parties left in the Parliament and we will lose the opportunity to look at them and reflect upon their numerous deficits of character and intellect.

It would appear that a combination of ignorance, hysteria, stupidity, paranoia and lack of attention to detail has meant that they are no longer capable of reading and understanding simple straight forward legislation such as that of the crossbench bill on medical evacuation of refugees.

Christopher (don’t listen to what I’m saying concentrate on what I want to convey) Pyne has in recent media events such as last week’s Insiders¬†and yesterday’s ABC Breakfast been at pains to show that Michaela (Whiteboard) Cash is less hysterical than he is. The un-Christian Porter, ever ready to take an underhanded point a law, has excelled at raising dubious points in a multitude of debates. Scumbag Morrison, who, rumours have it, used to be a Christian, before becoming the temporary incumbent of the Prime Minuscule’s suit has turned the screaming dial up to 15.

Then there is Tony, the Indigenous ambassador and our drought ambassador Barnaby fresh from emptying the Darling River of the last vestiges of water. Andrew Broad’s already gone due to a problem with his dating apt. Arfur Sinodinos, of Sydney Water fame, is back from the dead. Greg Hunt is finding holding on to his unloyal followers on the Mornington Peninsular more than a slight inconvenience due to Julia’s banking on a win.

There are a number of uglies such as the infamous RAAF hugger Scott Buchholz, sleazebag David Coleman, and big George (Asian lowlights) Christensen, who if they continue to offend might need to be culled.

There is every possibility that many Coalition members and senators, could die in a rush to exit the Parliament due to their propensity to imitate lemmings when aroused. And it is for this reason I have developed a Protection plan – not unlike that our ancestors devised for Aborigines when they wanted to smooth the dying pillow.

The idea I have come up with is that we should round-up as many as we can and take them distant places for which we have no immediate use. Christmas Island is one such place, and fortunately Scumbag has already allocated $1.4 Billion over 4 years to reopen the holding pens. There are places in the Tanami Desert polluted by recent gold mining tailings which would be suitable – it’s just a matter of looking for the mass of dead finches around the water holes. Many of you may have your own preferred places where you could keep these indentured ex-polies on long wires with chains around their necks.

What is really needed is a major community involvement strategy through which we need to involve everyone, irrespective of their previous experience of supervising polies, Individuals should be free to try what appeals to them most. Twiggy Forrest and Marcia Langton have suggested that funds to feed, house and cloth them could be obtained by seizing their parliamentary superannuation and paying it into an extended cashless welfare card system. The scheme will be called the Closing their Trap system.