I have just discovered a new use for coal.
All you need is a fist size lump of the stuff which can be bought at your local Bunnings.
It can then be thrown at Scott Morrison, Allan Jones and Ray Hadley.
If you prefer clean coal I suggest you put it in your washing machine but not when you are doing a load of whites.
We know that Monsanto’s RoundUp kills frogs so I’f you are feeling a bit Croaky I suggest using it as a mouth gargle.
In order to save time and the inconvenience of going to the bathroom just add RoundUp to your drinks.
Melissa Price, our new minister for destroying the environment and bringing down energy costs has a plan to save the Pacific Islanders from rising sea levels.
She is going to ship them great hills of coal on which they can stand during high tides and cyclones.
She tells me that if coal is washed with RoundUp it burns much more brightly because it is clean coal.
Allan Trudge fresh from robo-debt collecting is planning to force tinted migrants to live and work in the Simpson Desert.
Tonight Scott Morrison and Peter Dutton are holding a dinner at only $550 entry per head. Apparently one needs to bring one’s own head.
The event is being held to raise funds to beat Naughty Mr Billy Shorten in Wentworth.
Tickets to the dinner are on sale at the Opera House.
Pictures of the event will be flashed on the sails at regular intervals during the night.
Scott Morrison reckons they are the biggest bill boards in Sydney.
Not many Liberal politicians are expected to attend because having recently lost their head
they are behaving like a bunch of headless chooks.
Copyright © 2020 John Tomlinson