Rats’ sinking ship

Scott Morrison assures me that the three coalition ministers who, this week, signalled their intention to retire from politics at the next election are not rats deserting a sinking ship. He explained that the good ship Coalition is rudderless in heavy seas having lost its way some time ago. Scomo went on to explain that:
“It’s not so much that they are deserting a sinking ship as they are being washed overboard by surging seas.”
“Just the other day I saw a real estate salesman from Gilmore trying to throw over the side of the vessel, one of my newest recruits who, though he lives on the North Shore, was prepared to represent the bushies down on the Shoalhaven.”
“We had a bit of a scare a few weeks back when Julia Banks announced she intended diving over board and striking out for an island called Decency and we feared it might start a lemmings’ rush, but Tony and Peter doubled down on discipline.”
“Apparently, Banksey’s unhappiness began when the Kelly Gang got stuck into her and few of the other sheilas for sticking with my predecessor who wanted to put climate change and popularity ahead of our ideological commitment to screwing the working class. Turnbull was even talking of listening seriously to the recommendations of the Banking Royal Commission: it would have been the end of civilisation as we know it.”
“We rode out that storm due largely to Michaelia Whiteboard Cash’s hysteria and Christian Porter’s anti-terror legislation. But it wasn’t easy. I put it down to the amount of coal we’re carrying as ballast which allowed us to right the vessel.”
“We are still facing a few difficulties: we can’t put up the sails until we fix the rudder and Tony did not bring his Lycra togs on this trip. But to suggest we are wallowing in a choppy sea of our own making is unkind – we are doing the best we can with what we’ve got.”