Separating Ministers and their staff


Malcolm Turnbull has announced that forthwith ministers in his government shall refrain from intimate relationships with their staff. Shorten has announced he will follow suit.

In NSW, Premier Gladys Berejiklian has declared that such an edict is unnecessary. Apparently, they intend to separate ministers and their staff – using crowbars.

Nick Xenophon, has announced that, in the event that South Australian Worst wins government in the upcoming election he does not intend to follow Turnbull’s initiative. Instead his ministers will use their personalities as a prophylactic measure to avoid any form of close contact with staff.

Will Hodgman, Premier of Tasmania, said it is not an issue affecting Liberals in Tasmania because family members are not allowed to become staffers in minister’s offices in the Rotten Apple Isle.

Several other premiers were uncontactable.  However, Peter Dutton was available for interview.

We understand that Dutton is as mad as a cut snake who stands behind his chosen Ommissioner of Border Farce, Roman Quaedvlineg (also another sleazy Queensland ex-copper) who makes Harvey Weinstein look like a reasonable guy.

Peter Dutton however thinks the problem is not the prevalent bonking in minister’s offices. Rather, he believes, the issue is one of discipline. He is convinced that all Australian children should wear a uniform similar to the black uniforms worn by his Homeland Insecurity Department employees. In addition, Dutton believes that all Australian children, up to the seventh generation following arrival of their parents in Australia, should every morning have to take the citizenship pledge of loyalty to sycophantic, nationalist, racist, fascism which is the hallmark of white Australia. Failure to do so will mean that that we will sink into the cauldron of socialist environmentalism.

To assist in saving Australia from such a scenario Dutton has drafted the Kindergarten Pledge which will be expanded for each year of schooling. It reads as follows:
Asylum seekers have no rights
they come here causing fights:
we’ll send them back across the sea
for presuming on our humanity.
In all the camps across the sea
we’ll lock them up and
throw away the key.
I love my country right or wrong
our leaders are so brave and strong.

written 22/2/18.