The Mildura Broadslide.

Yesterday, Andrew Broad gave his first media interview since the story of his “sugar daddy” fiasco broke in the New Idea. He spoke with the Sunraysia Daily and announced that he had decided to step down as the Member for Mallee because he did not like alliteration and did not want to become a laughing stock.

At Farewell to Alms we were perturbed to hear of his imminent demise and wanted to hear his side of the story. In a broad ranging interview, he canvassed the background to his website difficulties. From his first words, it was clear that he was a natural comic and that the satirical circuit will be the poorer by his absence.

Apparently, he was a hard-working local member who listed his hobbies as wine-ing and dining. Mr Broad explained that in the seat of Mallee there were many dried fruit producers and he thought that if dates could be grown successfully around Mildura then many of these dried fruit producers might be able to diversify their activities. He told Farewell to Alms that this was the reason he was researching dating websites in the first place.

The member for Mallee, said that it whilst he was painstakingly searching these dating websites that it occurred to him that his good friend, the federal member George Christensen might do with some help in his Division of Dawson in Queensland’s deep North. That was when he added “sugar” into his search engine whilst he was engrossed in his dating research.

Your young reported looked a bit flummoxed at this explanation. Andrew went on to remind me that he had voted against marriage equality because he was a great admirer of the stereotypical nuclear family and must had inadvertently added “father” to his search because he always wanted to go further with innovative ideas.

Farewell to Alms put Andrew Broad’s case to the National Party who claimed they were too busy to consider it because they were preselecting a candidate to stand in the seat of Mallee in the 2019 federal election. Before you could say “Cods Wallop” they had turned their back on a hundred years of pig headedness and were seeking a female replacement for Andrew Broad.