The Monash Abbottration

In April 2018, just before Malingnant Allbull lost 30 Newspolls in a row and before he had a chance to blame naughty Mr Billy Shorten for his low standing amongst the Australian people; his arch-mimeses one Tony Lycra Abbott joined with Baaarnaby Wheredidmyfamilygo Joyce to invoke the name of Field Marshal Monash.

There were other conspirators who joined them. Otto The Hun Abetz who had wanted to invoke another Field Marshal Rommel and his little mate Kevin Don’tyoueuthaniseyourself Andrews who wanted to invade Iran. But to their surprise Tony came up with a truly devastating plan. He decided it was time to declare war on the world.

The essence of his idea was to get the government to pay people to dig up all the coal in Australia and burn it as fast as is humanly possible. He reckoned that if they do this Allbull’s Point Piper Harbourside Mansion will be washed away by the sea level rises and the old Malingnant will drown allowing them to regain front bench seats in Canberra.

Tones says that all the Pacific will be flooded and all the islanders will drown, as will all the Rohingya escaping Myanmar and sheltering in Bangladesh. Nauru and Manus will vanish from the nation’s headlines. This will mean they won’t need to waste money on asylum seekers or foreign aid and everyone who lives on the top of mountains will live happily ever after.