“Lorna has two mummies”

Written June 2004


The sky has definitely fallen, we are assured by the Prime Minister, John Howard, the Deputy Prime Minister, John Anderson and the Communications Minister, Darryl Williams. Mark Latham also claims he has definitely seen the sky lying on the ground. This was, no doubt, during one of his reading sessions to small children.

Both the Government and Opposition believe that the structural fault that led to the sky’s descent emanated from the ABC’s children’s program Play School.  Research undertaken since the event establishes that the Australian Broadcasting Commission wilfully and with malice aforethought let a young girl tell the viewers that she was at the zoo with her two mummies.

So alarmed has Australian suburbia become by such a revelation that our political leaders have rushed towards TV cameras all over the world to denounce Play School for letting a child describe the fact that she lives in a home with two parents, both of whom are female. After assuring Australians for years that all children are better off living in two parent households, many residents have become confused.

All this comes on top the Government and Opposition rushing to proclaim their intention to legislate to prevent same sex partners getting married. That is, they are going to legislate to have the legal situation stay exactly as it is now.

One could be tempted to believe that the transit of Venus across the sun has so interfered with the brain functions of our political luminaries that it won’t be long before they rush to legislate to allow the burning of witches who don’t drown. This would seem to be unnecessary, however, given the raft of anti-terrorism legislation that could be easily modified to cope with any witches found floating in the local pond.

It has been discovered that the dastardly mastermind behind the Play School escapade is none other than Phillip Ruddock, one-time minister for deterring asylum seekers by any means necessary and latterly Attorney General. Ruddock apparently believes that if he can create the image, in the minds of would be refugees that the Australian Government forces children to be brought up in lesbian households, this will deter asylum seekers who might otherwise try to come here.