New Howard Government 2004

Dear Comrades

The revamping of the Howard Cabinet means that many departments now have new ministers casting around for policy options.
I have been approached by some of them for help in reinvigorating their areas of responsibility.
Salamander Vanstone would like you to suggest exciting mutual obligations she can impose upon refugees.
I have suggested to Salamander that all asylum seekers will have to provide evidence that they have Amnesty International badges before they will be allowed into the Immigration camps at Baxter, Nauru, Christmas Island, Derby and Port Headland.
My old mate Pillock Ruddock is on top of his new portfolio. He assures me that all those Straylians who enjoyed watching him stick the boot into asylum seekers can be assured that this time they will be the centre of his attention when he is thinking of things to do to people.
Phil Reith rang the Phoney Abbott last night and offered to supply him with hospital trained balaclava wearing nurses who will be accompanied by Dobermans. If you have any further ideas they would be appreciated.
I was not able to contact Grey Patterson. I heard she had lost her health but gained a family.
A new boy Heaven Andrews has had to revise his earlier strong opposition to euthanasia opting now to allow employers to make decisions as to which disruptive employees to euthanise – he felt by handing such functions over to the private sector that this would lift a huge weight off the Government’s shoulders.
Malignant Brough will be assisting the Minister for Defense and is already off to a good start. He is determined to cut out waste and from now on soldiers below the rank of Field Marshall will be paid at the work for the dole rate. He is working on plans to end duplication by making the air-borne division share one parachute between two parachutists.
Please keep your suggestions rolling into the new Howard Ministers