Sugarcaning

Written in 1998.

As You may have heard Ord River sugar cane farmers have discovered a devastating infestation of sugar cane smut (fungus).
The ORAL Majority tell me it is caused by farmers carrying pornography in their tractors .

President Clinton advises he did not tell Monica to lie to the Special Prosecutor about his relationship with her.
All he did was to suggest she tell him she did not inhale.

Given that there are 11 One Notion Party members entering the Queensland Parliament instead of all of them giving an individual maiden speech they  decided to that one of their number a 25 year old ex-soldier (my, don’t they retire early these days) who has been to university would give one speech for all of them see below the text from the Queensland Hansard:

One Nation Maiden Speech

Well, ah, you know , I reckon, eh. Arrh, well, the Labor …errr Party aaah..and that bloke ah, you know…. Bob errr Borbidge, eh. I reckon, err, you know.. eh, have not done the job you know…eh… and you know,  eh,  that’s why we’re here , eh.

Just errr look for your errr…self… eh. There, aaah are communists encouraging errr …school errr..children , eh  you know..errrr ah to stay away  from err, ah school to errr…ah protests, you know, against, ah …errrr, you know err racing……
(interjection ) “Racism!!!”

Yer, as he says racing….you know. Arrr it’s no wonder, eh, that… arrr the Olympics are going, errrr to  their dogs, eh.

With …errr, ah     …Wonantonyarsesummerranch saying…  errr, you know that only dopes play sport, eh.

Those kids should errr, ah, stay at school you know, errr…ah it’s child abuse… eh. That’s all we ah have to  errrrr, say to people of Straya.