Joking, fooling around, comedy, taking a lend of someone, leading people down the garden path and taking the piss is something that John has done all his life.
We hope you’ll find this section amusing – if you don’t, then the laugh is on us.
anon 2016 He’s as useless as a one legged man in a bum kicking competition.
The word “Police” Is an acronym for: People of low intelligence called expletives. Written circa 2004.
If you don’t hear from me then don’t be surprised ’cause I am a criminal in ASIO’s eyes. I’m opposed to starvation. I’m opposed to the war. I want liberation and food for the poor. I want justice and freedom and a whole lot more and a livable income to even the score. If you […]
Madam, we are going to have to put your dog down? But he’s done nothing, he’s only a little dog. That may be so madam but he is a Terrier. Written circa 2002
It might seem beyond belief but I heard that the Yanks bombed the Great Barrier Reef. I asked why the Reef had to die. They said it was a hot bed of tourism.
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. *************************** Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone anon
Written 2016 Yes, I was early for my own funeral. So early that the undertaker took me aside and informed me that I had not died.
written in 2012 Man walked in and someone said “All rise” I wasn’t sure if he was expecting us to levitate or turn into sponge cakes.
“Satire, to be worthy of its name generalises, exaggerates and distorts. Because it relies on its immediate impact and addresses topical vices and abuses, satire can rely on persistence in its struggle against hypocrisy, pretence and oppression. Usually, satire is treated as a form of humour generated through ridicule, irony and sarcasm, but a humour […]
Written in 2009 not published. I pleaded with the Rudd Government to end the NT intervention. I explained the importance of women’s liberation to the Taliban. I got a used ute from John Grant and an email from Godwin Grech. I got syphilis from a drunken sailor. I called on the Israelis to do the […]
We were about to board the Eurostar when Graham Schlecht asked where I’d put my suitcase. Penny, her sister Steph and husband Bob shrugged their shoulders. The last time I’d seen it was when we were passing through the chaotic security section, prior to quarantine and Customs. I walked back slowly attempting to appear as […]
Written in 2005 not published. The Queen said to me “Be my white knight and I’ll kiss and I’ll hug you all through the night.” I asked her “Is this a real fairy story when it ends will we all share in the glory? And will we sit at the big feasting table, or will […]
Are cat lovers in China called Meo Maoists? John Howard could employ refugees on the Como Express to throw the dead sheep overboard. 2004
One good thing about this song it’s about the brave and strong working out who’s right and wrong is hardly likely to take you long and if you like you can sing along. I was in this country town where farmers smile and never frown though it seems beyond belief everyone there I’m told, eats […]
Knock Knock who’s there “Rhyming Cheese” Rhyming Cheese is there Oh well, you must be Camembert
It is important to understand statistics It is important to understand the MEANING of statistics By that I mean, when you are using statistics it is necessary to understand what any statistic means Use and Misuse of Statistics It is important to understand: why people are using statistics how people are using statistics what the statistics user thinks […]
Written in 1998. As You may have heard Ord River sugar cane farmers have discovered a devastating infestation of sugar cane smut (fungus). The ORAL Majority tell me it is caused by farmers carrying pornography in their tractors . President Clinton advises he did not tell Monica to lie to the Special Prosecutor about his […]
Australians all let us regret that they think we are useless they’ve destroyed our dental scheme we’ll soon be old and toothless. Written 2005 Not published
Written but not published in 2008 I’ll use the right declension there’ll be little apprehension and even less suspension when I write a poem about the Queen of Condescension. One more round Julie’s drowned her tears of sorrow at her very own wailing wall. She’d been biting at the ankle of our Swanny treasurer and […]
Ashes to ashes dust to dust if you have to go I suppose you must.
In the early 1970s it was considered reasonable to use “he” to mean either he or she. Then feminists suggested that this was sexist and suggested “s/he”. Now because we realise that some people don’t identify with either gender that “s/he” leaves out people with indeterminate gender might consider….. ….replacing s/he with “it” but “it” […]
At St Joseph Church in Missenden Rd Camperdown in Sydney they decided to restrict parking to “private parking only”….. They may have been better advised to allow the public to park in their parking lot.
What do we want? War! Would you like increased Health spending? No!!! We want more money spent on War and Defence. Would you like increased spending on Education? No!!! We want more money spent on fighting Terrorism & Blockading Iraq! Would you like increased Welfare spending? No!!! We want more money spent shifting out welfare […]
On my tombstone it was writ he was an ugly little shit a fly in the ointment a sty in the eye we’ve asked ourselves why he took so bloody long to die. Or He started – he farted. Now he’s the dearly departed Written 2009 not published.
Was it John Howard or Adolph Hitler who said “The war on Terrorism will last a thousand years”? Written after what the Americans call 9/11 in 2001.
Copyright © 2020 John Tomlinson